6: Daddy CrabLeg's Crab Shack
by Julie Verne
Summary: Three doctors go to dinner - an awkward, kind-of-kosher dinner. Season 3, episode 15.


"Enjoy your dinner," Sydney said a little bitterly, understanding why Maggie would refuse the gift from her for being 'kind of' allergic to shellfish, but happily go with Dr Dey.

"You should come with us – I hear they have a kosher salad bar," Maggie said. Sydney's gaze was too intense, so she turned to Dr Dey, who agreed a little awkwardly. Sydney looked between them, and Maggie flinched inside, wondering what she was doing. Sydney had looked so devastated and disappointed in that moment that Maggie knew she had to try to make it up to her. And she was surprised by the sudden realisation that Sydney's happiness was more important to her right now than potentially getting laid. Sydney surprised herself – and the other 2 doctors – by agreeing, falling into step beside Maggie, close enough to let their arms brush.

* * *

It was awkward on the streetcar, heading ten streets over. There was no room, so they stood huddled together, giggling over a consult Maggie was sharing details of. The streetcar lurched, and so did Sydney, momentum pitching her into Maggie. Maggie took the arm not holding the bar to catch Sydney against her, to steady her, to hold the smaller doctor against her. Sydney took her free hand, pushed against Maggie's hip as though she was going to push away from the embrace, but instead slipped her hand around to Maggie's back, rested her head on Maggie's shoulder. Dr Dey cleared his throat, made eye contact with Maggie and nodded, while Maggie tried not to shrug too noticeably.

Sydney closed her eyes for a moment, breathed deep the comforting, familiar smell of Maggie, revelled in the soft hand that had slipped from her shoulder down to her waist. This is what it would be like with Maggie, so unlike how it was with Herschel. Sydney had never felt so comfortable with Herschel, couldn't imagine being comfortable with his hands on her like this. She couldn't imagine letting him hold her on a streetcar, couldn't shake the sensation of crawling skin when she considered it.

But with Maggie, right now, she could pretend that they were heading home together after a long shift, back to Sydney's condo where Maggie's clothes filled half the wardrobe, where Maggie's shampoo cluttered the shower caddy, Maggie's Cajun chicken ready to take from the slow cooker when they got home.

And Sydney wants it, she wants it so badly, she wants it as badly as she wants to press into Maggie, press her lips on the exposed throat next to her face, press her throbbing core against Maggie's leg for a few moments of relief.

But she chose this. She didn't choose Maggie. She couldn't choose Maggie; Maggie wasn't even gay. Sydney couldn't upend her resident's life over something she was so selfishly feeling for her. Maggie was kind and gentle, and she was so tender when she'd made love to Sydney but even so Sydney knew Maggie was just letting her have a freebie – not for her career or an edge in the boards, but because Maggie was generous and giving to a fault. Maggie had done it for Sydney – perhaps out of pity, perhaps out of compassion – but Maggie had not done it for herself, because it was not something Maggie would choose for herself.

Maggie would never choose Sydney, so Sydney continued her facade with Herschel. But this moment, this friable moment, a few years into her marriage – or days, depending on how terrible it was – Sydney would think back to how safe she felt in the shelter of Maggie's embrace.

"Long day, Dr Katz?" Dr Dey inquired. Sydney opened her eyes and met his, expecting to find a little anger or jealousy in his face but instead finding only complete understanding. She nodded against Maggie's neck. "Next stop's ours," he said, gently readying her to pull away.

Meanwhile Maggie was gently running her fingers over the top of Sydney's hip. She'd been angry at the implication of the gift, of the implication of the bribe. It had felt like a 'keep your mouth shut' and an 'I'm done with you'. But she knows Sydney, she knows Sydney holds no malice or basic decorum for social situations. She knows it was well-intended but the idea of having to let go of the shorter doctor had scared her. They'd been dancing around each other for months, only to be pushed away after the breaking point. She could still taste Sydney's moans in her mouth, the memory of their time together replaying in her mind nearly daily. She wasn't over this; not even close. And the idea that Sydney could just push her away and marry someone she didn't love, someone she wasn't attracted to, someone she never talked about, that Maggie could take second place to someone that didn't even matter to Sydney really hurt, because Maggie wasn't even gay; not really, but all she could think about was the hard nub of one of Sydney's nipples pressing into her through Sydney's thick coat and the memory of how it had felt in her mouth, against her own bare breast. She couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if she was going home with Syd, to her probably very Jewish apartment with a menorah above the fireplace – but with no time to notice small things like that until the morning because Sydney is incredibly passionate and Maggie knows she'd be pushed against the front door as soon as it was slammed shut, would be kissed as though the world would end if they stopped even for a moment, would have her clothes pulled off impatiently – but somehow still quite gently, would soon be breathless and naked in front of a suddenly very still, quiet and admiring Sydney.

But they weren't going home together. Sydney had made her choice, and even though Maggie thought Sydney had made the wrong choice, she was trying to respect that choice.

Even so, she wasn't made of stone, and between her own thoughts and the feel of the smaller doctor in her arms, the smell of Sydney's hair where it tickled her nose, Sydney's hand absently rubbing small, gentle circles over Maggie's back – it was enough to start an ache she would have to sort out the minute she got home.

Sydney was thrown tighter against Maggie again as the streetcar jolted to a stop, pushing them impossibly close, knocking the breath out of both of them, and they carefully disengaged.

* * *

They walked a few blocks to the restaurant, chatting casually about the Zarb situation. Ezra was doing well, thriving despite his father's insecurities.

The kosher bar was surprisingly... not terrible. Sydney did pray a little more rigorously before she started eating, wary of any cross-contamination. Maggie and Dr Dey talked; Sydney watched Maggie eat - watched Maggie's mouth feeling small and jealous. It wasn't as awkward as Maggie had thought it would be when she realised she'd asked the woman she'd been with to come to dinner with the man she was planning on being with.

"Two weeks left, Sydney," Dr Dey said casually, and Maggie could see the panic in Sydney's eyes, could see Sydney wondering what Maggie had told him.

"It's more for my parents than me," Sydney admitted slowly.

"Then let them marry Herschel," Dr Dey said flippantly, and Maggie laughed. Sydney was struck with Maggie's laughter, the fact that she'd finally spoken the truth about her engagement.

"Excuse me," Sydney said, pushing away from the table. Maggie watched her walk to the washroom.

"Don't women normally go in pairs?" Dr Dey asked innocently, and Maggie flashed him a grin before she followed Sydney.

* * *

"I have to do this, Maggie," Sydney said when she saw Maggie in the mirror behind her. "I have to."

"Who says?" Maggie asked, leaning against the counter, wanting to put her hand on Sydney's back but scared of scaring the shorter woman off.

"I just do, Maggie"

"Don't you deserve more?"

"He's a good man, Maggie. He is. He's kind. It could be worse."

"It could be better, then?" Maggie asked, a question in her voice.

"You asked what would happen if I didn't marry Herschel? I'll be an outcast spinster, even if I never…" She trailed off before she could same 'came out', but they both heard the unspoken words.

"And you couldn't find somewhere where you could just… be you?" Maggie asked, crossing her arms. "Nowhere that would accept you?"

"Not if I want to keep my family, my community, my people."

"If you have to hide who you are from them, maybe you don't need to keep them." Maggie went to say more but Sydney's face was already screwed tight, trying to hold back tears. Maggie's family was pretty open. Maggie couldn't imagine being from a world where she couldn't be honest with the people she loved about something so fundamental, but she knew it was different for Sydney, and she was trying not to judge her by her own standards. "Just something to think about," she finished lamely. "I like you as you are."

"You're the only one who knows who I am," Sydney whispered, looking as though she was considering stepping into Maggie who was more than ready to wrap her arms around Sydney. Someone else came in the bathroom, and Sydney's wavering vanished as she swiped at her face, stepped away from Maggie and locked herself in a stall.

Maggie went back to Dr Dey, who looked amused.

* * *

It was a long, relaxed dinner after that, no one commenting on the tear stains on Sydney's face. Maggie felt an ankle connect with hers a few times and tried not to care whose it was, knowing Sydney had shut her out but still hoping that the shorter doctor was still craving contact the way she was. Sydney was surprisingly good company, for all of her blunt and abrupt ways - when she relaxed she had a smile Maggie couldn't get enough of, and when she cracked a joke she looked so proud of herself it was all Maggie could do not to squeeze her knee under the table.

* * *

It was cold outside. Sydney hugged herself, shivering even in her thick coat.

"I'm headed this way," Dr Dey said, pointing West. 'So I'll say goodbye here." He hugged Maggie, then stepped toward Sydney, a little unsure. But although she was cold she uncrossed her arms, signalling that it was OK.

"She's more than you give her credit for, Sydney," he said quietly in Sydney's ear as he hugged her gently goodbye before setting off down the street, leaving the two women awkwardly alone.

"I'm this way," Maggie said finally, pointing East. She shoved her hands in her jacket pockets, rocked on her heels. "I'll get the streetcar. Which way..." Sydney pointed North.

"I'm two blocks that way. I'd invite you over but..."

"But we both know that's not a good idea." Maggie finished with a smirk.

"I'm sorry, Maggie. I never wanted to get you involved in this mess." Sydney sighed, looking up at the taller doctor, wrapping her arms around herself again.

"it's your life. It's not a mess, it's your life. And I'm glad to be part of it." With that, Maggie leaned in to hug the shorter woman, who froze in place for a second before bringing her arms around Maggie, hand running over the muscles and bones of Maggie's back. Maggie kissed Sydney on the cheek as she pulled away, then walked away without another word.

She wanted more than anything to go home with Sydney but it was 2 weeks until the wedding and Maggie was no one's side chick. All or nothing. When she turned at the end of the block, she looked back and saw the small forlorn figure of Sydney watching her walk away. She met Sydney's eyes, and Sydney turned, wiping at her face as she strode off into the night.

* * *

Season 4, episode 15 interlude. Loosely related to 'After all the Dust has Settled', 'Stay', and 'Last Call'.

There's 4 more solid pieces in development, and 2 half-formed, half-assed interludes so far. Trying to upload on an Aussie Monday night as it's my night off normally.

Please leave a review if you liked this - I find it pretty motivating. I have a very practical, logical job and this is a nice outlet for any superfluous emotions or artistic tendencies I might have, and I do find this rewarding. I'm trying to channel some effort into a book.


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